I remember the night we first kissed. There was this moment in your office, the place we snuck back to, when we were holding one another’s faces in our hands, and I looked into your eyes for the first time. Both searching. What for? Was it the same thing? I just remember the innocence of it all. Desperation for connection.
I remember the night you came over the first time. We were snuggled under my covers, holding one another. Little smiles. Happy moments. Big blanket. Skin. Happiness washing over me, the likes I had never felt before. I felt like the only woman in the world. And I felt like a woman.
I remember the day we snuck away at work, finding a place to kiss. I remember when we missed one another.
I remember the rush I felt holding your hand. Putting my head on your chest.
I remember that night, our first dinner date. Our 3rd date. We connected intellectually. Personally. I miss those connections.
I don’t want to just remember you. I want to make more memories. I want to paint the town with you. Drink with you. Laugh with you. Play with you. Get away with you. Hear you sigh when you’re writing a memo. Listen to your childhood. Your fears. Your hopes. Fight with you. Make fun of you. Smile at you. Dance with you. Find out about you. Explore with you. Explore you. Fall in love with you.
I want to be hopeful, but it scares me. What if this pause never ends? What if it was all just fun and games until it got real?
No. No what ifs. Even if those memories above were the only ones I had with you, they were worth it.
That’s the thing about life. Things end. Moments fade. All we can do is cherish the ones we had and move to new ones.