The Alchemist

To the one

Who loved this body

Broken, wounded

Ravaged by where others had been

Taking on the darkness

That lived, burrowed deep inside

Drinking from this vessel

Always knowing its poison.
To the one

Who, with eyes like lasers

Gazing deep into this heart

Boring into this soul,

Coated the myelin sheath

Around faulty synapses

Corroded from trauma

From those who’d come before

Strengthening all chakras

Always knowing its depletion.
To the one

Whose uttered words

Like a sacred language

Became the guiding voice

A radiant light in the darkness

Comforting the small child inside

Desperately pleading for reassurance

Coursing through these ears

Into these veins

Filling empty spaces with compassion.
To the one

Who, now with this body nearly restored,

Has drifted away

In need of wholeness

Of detoxification of spirit

Of compassion and comfort

Of deep, healing restoration

Your essence is enough

Surrounding us both at once.
To the one

Who, with vulnerability and kindness

Taught this broken heart to mend

These broken wings to fly

These blind eyes to see

Who, with gentle wisdom

Taught a body, mind, spirit

To heal, to harness its power.

Who, with divine alchemy

And pscionic power

Revealed the magic inside.
To the one,

Whose healing touch

Still felt on this body,

Whose stare,

Still slowing this nervous breath,

Whose voice lingers in these ears,

Whose mage hand, holding mine

Still guides this soul through the dark river

Whose alchemy,

My constant companion.

Never to be alone again.

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Fumbling with Nostalgia

Today was the first day

I thought about you deeply

That I talked about you.

That I showed compassion.

It’s been over a year, and,

Strangely, I still softened inside

You didn’t care for me at my lowest

You didn’t ask how I was feeling

You didn’t come to my aide,

Definitely not my rescue.

And yet,

And still,

I feel for you.

I pray you find your way to happiness.

I hope you find,

Deep inside,

What you are looking for.

See, I thought I might end your search

And perhaps I did,

But when your eyes are closed

You’ll miss anything,

Especially what’s right in front of you.

Bold.

When you rarely asked

For me to clarify

I want to say, “i should have known.”

When you reacted

Instead of being curious

I want to say, “i should have gone.”

But I’m not regretting this.

The lessons,

They taught me.

The shaming,

It humbled me.

Your anger,

It filled me with compassion.

Your complacency,

That taught me gratitude.

Your inability to handle stress,

It taught me patience.

Your inability to communicate,

It taught me to breathe.

Your ignorant reactions to my triggers,

It taught me self-acceptance.

This isn’t about me.

You were decidedly intolerant,

And while I wish you had cared more,

You don’t.

So I must.

I cannot wait to move on

To be heard

To be seen

To be loved

You think I’ve lost you?

In that, I found me.